I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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