I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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