I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
