Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
he thought i was a dude.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
