I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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