Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Randomize
