imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
