the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Sorry my hands just texted you
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
