I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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