Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
