It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
