Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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