I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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