Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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