woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize