Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
