My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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