so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Be still, my beating vagina.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
