Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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