I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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