Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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