You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
