Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
