How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
where am i from again
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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