Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
