he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
