I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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