You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
