i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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