So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
