Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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