so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
