you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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