dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
