College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
