At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
