Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
