Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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