he shaved USA in his pubs
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
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