You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
