best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
