Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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