why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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