how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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