She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
