Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
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