I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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