woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
