I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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