The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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