Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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