She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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