i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
