she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
