Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
