my phone needs a breathalizer
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
