omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
