yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
