And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I wish I only lived at night.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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