On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I love you. Go after that dick
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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