I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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