Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
