Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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