i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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