I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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