I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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