I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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