don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
