whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
