would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
