I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
