it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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