I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
