I seem to have left my pride at pride
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
