careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
